Depending on whom you ask MOVING ON has a variance of interpretations. However, what is certain, simply waving a magic wand to erase one’s experiences isn’t easy. Once life stains its imprint, a lesson is born. These lessons stack one upon another in uneven stones, equaling our experiences. Moving on doesn’t delete the past. It enables transcendence, allowing and embracing for a learning opportunity.
Some lessons are painful as in divorce, an abusive relationship, infidelity, the death of a parent or child, or the loss of a job. These poignant passages are reminders of what has touched our lives, and how strong or weak we are. They are also reminders of how far we’ve come and how far we need to move on.
One of life’s most difficult challenges is moving on after the death of a loved one. Odd, as it seems, sorrow is a good thing. It allows the heart and mind to heal and to move on into memories of reflection, joy, and forgiveness. This journey may need the help of family members, friends, church fellowship, or support groups. Closure is one day at a time.
Focusing on divorce, a sour fact of life, the U.S. Census Bureau shows interesting statistics. A first marriage is 41% to 50%; the rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67% and the rate for 3rd marriage are from 73% to 74%. From these stats, abuse and infidelity are strong contenders for a marriage’s demise.
Ending a relationship comes at a cost. Emotions are invested. How do I cope? How can I cope? Will my life ever be normal again? Why do I keep making the same mistakes? Somehow the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all,” means very little in the scheme of things when imprisonment is anxiety, insomnia, fear, and stress.
There’s no paint-by-number-play-book for moving on. Willpower to change one’s life is foremost repairing a fragile self-esteem. Thinking through the situation, having a solid plan (even one written on the sand) gives a better foundation for clarity, than just flying blind. A good escape plan needs courage, stamina, and help from your support circle. In other words: plan your work and make your plan. Deserving to feel good, respect, and love are essential needs. When these are stripped away by an egotistical-bully, dignity drops to the common denominator of existence.
Once life stains its imprint, a lesson is born.
Is it possible to start over? For me, making a bad choice, there was no way to go but UP. Determined to live my life in peace, and to its fullest, was not only a goal, but MY RIGHT.
Tools I’ve personally used (self-help books, a support group, meditation, and solitude for a very long period of time), and offered when I volunteered at women shelters are not by any means the gospel, but have helped keep the boat afloat to land into a safer harbor.
~~Journaling (or keeping a diary). Allows intimate thoughts to be shouted without fear of reprisal and judgement from others. Expressing pent-up feelings onto paper helped me not pick and choose my words for fear of criticism. I learned friends have good intentions, but sometimes not on the same page. Shedding co-dependency was the best thing I did.
~~Changing perspective gave a new outlook. The rut of a job, physical appearance, and residence are a few reminders of what was hated. I did a complete reversal from what I was. It wasn’t easy, but I kept saying—“I have the right to be happy.”
~~Letting go of I hate you. This took a very long time to free the heart, soul, and mind. Realizing two people are in a relationship and each person has to accept responsibility is important. I credit a regime of yoga and mediation to knock down this wall.
Today, years later, I’m in a happier place with a mate I’ve been with for 28 years.
Who am I?
I have the gift of imagination and that has been a beacon all my life. I’m fortunate to be able to take a blank piece of paper and create a page turning story that evokes a wide array of human drama. I’m inspired by the simplest–to the most complex challenge a person can face, and with that, derive empathy for my characters. I would best describe myself as a “back porch storyteller”– writing that grabs you from the first sentence.
Her next book, The Last Merry-Go-Round, releases this year. Website