There will be numerous times throughout your married life that your wife will ask for your opinion on how she looks. Here’s an example.

Abby and you are getting dressed for your company’s annual holiday party. Abby purchased a new dress for the occasion and she will wear it for the first time tonight. She views herself in the mirror – front, side, and rear views.

“Does this dress make my ass look big?” she asks.

This is a trap question. If you answer it wrong, your wife will burst into tears, will rip the dress off, and probably refuse to go to the party. If she does go, it will ruin her entire evening—and most likely yours as well. Not only that, but she will remember what you said forever and will throw it back in your face at least once a month for the rest of your life.

Now, there is no doubt that you consider yourself to be one of the most quick-witted and funniest guys on the planet. Humorous quips pop into your mind such as, “Naw—it’s no more than two ax-handles wide,” or “Don’t worry about it—it’s all behind you.”

Here are three thoughts for you to consider:

First, you’re not as funny as you think.
Second, you’re walking on eggshells here.
Third, this is a wonderful opportunity to deliver a superb compliment to your wife that she will deeply appreciate and that she will remember for a long time, if not forever.

It doesn’t actually matter if the dress does, in fact, make her ass look big. That’s not the issue here. The issue is your saying something to soothe her concerns and make her feel good.

So, get that silver tongue of yours oiled up and say the words she needs to hear. Something like, “My Dear, you have a magnifcent posterior and this dress does nothing but compliment it perfectly.” Oh Gawd!

“Do You Like My . . . .” Scenarios

I will now demonstrate my mystical clairvoyant powers by predicting your answer to two scenarios similar to what your wife will ask you hundreds of times during your marriage.

Answer to Scenario Number One: “I like it!”
Answer to Scenario Number Two: “It looks great!”

Keep those answers in mind. Now for the scenarios.

Scenario Number One: Abby goes to the hairdresser and gets a new hair style. She comes home and models it for you and asks how it looks. Your answer is, “I like it!”

Even if you think it looks like her hair was cut with a lawnmower or weed eater, the answer is the same, “I like it!”

Scenario Number Two: Abby goes shopping and comes home with a new outfit. She models it for you and asks how you like it. Your answer is, “It looks great!”

Even if the color makes her look like a ghost and the pattern and design makes your eyes spin, the answer is the same, “It looks great!”

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire?

So, am I encouraging you to lie? Absolutely not. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in your eye it is beautiful and “It looks great!”

What would be gained by telling your wife that her haircut looks like it was cut with a chainsaw or that her new outfit makes her look fat? Nothing. And, it will only upset your wife and probably make her mad at you for saying such mean and spiteful things.

But, don’t you have a responsibility to tell your wife the truth? Well, truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and we know that in your opinion the truth is, “It looks great!” and “I like it!”

Oh, Oh – the Truth

Your wife will eventually learn the truth about her new hairstyle or her new outfit, and it will come from a more experienced and more reliable source than you. This is where your wife’s mother, sisters, and friends come in. It is their responsibility to tell her the full, complete, and unadulterated truth. Sooner or later, one of them will level with her. And, when Abby comes home downhearted and says that her good friend told her that the new haircut looks awful, you can comfort her by saying, “I liked it and I thought it looked great!”

Sharing Your Opinions

Here are two last thoughts about rendering your opinion on your wife’s hair style, clothing, appearance, and other matters. You have already dodged a bullet by telling her “I like it!” or “It looks great!” instead of telling her the gosh-awful truth.

Remember my previously-rendered marital advice about how your mouth will get you into more trouble than your Willy ever will? Well, don’t go spouting off to your pals or anyone else about your wife’s horrible haircut or how her dress made her ass look a mile wide—it will undoubtedly get back to her and you’ll have some tall explaining to do.

The final thought on rendering your opinion to or about your wife is this—don’t, unless she asks for it.

Excerpt is from Marital Advice to my Grandson, Joel: How to be a husband your wife won’t throw out of the window in the middle of the night, Pages 32 – 35
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