I’ve been dating a man for seven months whom I met through an online dating service. He’d had his membership for several months when I happened onto the site and saw his profile and responded. After dating for 3 months, I cancelled my account because it’s not my style to keep my options open when I’m involved with someone and we agreed to date only each other at that point. My problem is that he kept his account open and this has created a sense of me not being enough for him.
We discussed my feelings about this and his perspective is that he paid for a specific membership period and made his account invisible so that should be enough. He’s nearing the end of a divorce, and I’m wondering if this just means he’s not ready for a longterm relationship? Neither of us has any desire to remarry; however, I’m interested in being in a monogamous relationship and he said he agrees. He’s not seeing anyone else, he tells me, but he must be looking online is my fear.
Most of the time I don’t think about the issue but the truth is, I’d rather he cancel his membership while we’re together and restart it if we break up. Do you think it’s reasonable for him to maintain his account or is it as offensive as it feels?
-Offended in Cyberspace
Dear Offended in Cyberspace,
You’re telling him what you want and what feels comfortable for you. If you’ve asked him to cancel his membership, and he says, “No,” that tells me he IS keeping his options open. I don’t like it that he’s not cherishing YOUR feelings and doing what makes you feel comfortable. So, the question is, “Do you feel he is totally committed to making your relationship work?” If he’s on the tail-end of a divorce, he may still want to play the field. Set your boundaries, girl! Listen to your feelings, put your foot down.
As to what you want, wait and see what happens. The truth will be revealed in how he handles it. And then see if it’s time to move on… Remember, it’s about loving you first!
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